In this episode of The Stress Nanny Podcast, after sharing what you can expect from the podcast moving forward, I share conversation-starters that will help you support your anxious child. While it can be challenging to sit with an anxious child, supporting them as they notice, process and respond to anxiety is key to helping them manage big feelings. In this brief episode, I share tips and activities from my weekly Mindfulness Club where I help kids develop emotional regulation skills. To learn more about Mindfulness Club DM me over on IG @thestressnanny or fill out a brief questionnaire here and let's work together to help your child confidently manage emotions.
Lindsay Miller is a kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not playing catch with her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes. To sign up for Lindsay's "Calm & Collected" Newsletter click here.
Lindsay Miller is a distinguished kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not playing catch with her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes. To sign up for Lindsay's "Calm & Collected" Newsletter click here.
In this episode of The Stress Nanny Podcast, after sharing what you can expect from the podcast moving forward, I share conversation-starters that will help you support your anxious child. While it can be challenging to sit with an anxious child, supporting them as they notice, process and respond to anxiety is key to helping them manage big feelings. In this brief episode, I share tips and activities from my weekly Mindfulness Club where I help kids develop emotional regulation skills. To learn more about Mindfulness Club DM me over on IG @thestressnanny or fill out a brief questionnaire here and let's work together to help your child confidently manage emotions.
Lindsay Miller is a kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not playing catch with her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes. To sign up for Lindsay's "Calm & Collected" Newsletter click here.
Lindsay Miller is a distinguished kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not playing catch with her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes. To sign up for Lindsay's "Calm & Collected" Newsletter click here.
Teaching kids to manage feelings of anxiety skillfully
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Stress, Nanny podcast. I'm your host Lindsay Miller. And I'm delighted that you're here. Thank you for tuning in to this episode where we're going to talk a little bit about emotional regulation. Before we get started, I just wanted to check in with a bit of housekeeping. I know the podcast has not been coming out with the kind of consistency that I was offering it, in terms of weekly episodes. And I wanted to give you a little bit of a backstory and set expectations going forward. One of the things I decided a couple of years ago when I was in the thick of the podcast world and trying to put consistent episodes out. Was that I didn't want to offer you a podcast on stress resilience if it was going to cost me my sanity that week. In other words, I didn't want to stay up until 1130 and be posting the podcast at two in the morning so that I could be consistent with the episodes. I didn't think that me being frazzled and trying to hurry and edit or trying to hurry and upload was going to serve anyone. And [00:01:00] so, as I've worked at, into my workflow, usually I, can you record an episode or. Edit an episode and chat with guests in relatively seamless way each week. But over the last couple of months, due to a number of just different things in my personal life, in my other business. And then, you know, just having an increased. A number of clients that I'm working with. I haven't had the opportunity to do a seamless episode a week. And so I've spaced out the episodes a little bit and then going into the fall. I think what I'll do is offer some shorter episodes. I'm going to tether some of them around kind of what we're talking about in my coaching mindfulness club. And then we're also going to publish some episodes with guests because I have some interviews that I'm so excited to share. I just want to make sure that I'm authentically offering you a podcast about how to manage stress levels. So that's the housekeeping. Today's episode is going to be a little [00:02:00] note about mindfulness club. So mindfulness club is a space where teens and tweens. So I have kids as young as seven and kids as old as 14, 15. Come each week on zoom and we connect and learn tools for emotional regulation. Now, there are a variety of different tools that we're learning. And this month the focus has been on anxiety and managing feelings of anxiety. So at the beginning of the month, I send all the kids a little box and then each week we take an activity out of the box. And use that to talk through a different tool or a different way to approach anxiety. It's been such a great month this month as the kids. And I have talked through what anxiety feels like, how to manage anxiety and then what to do when it feels like anxiety is kind of taking over a moment and how to put it in check. One of the things we've talked about a lot is not ignoring it because one of the things that happens when we ignore big [00:03:00] feelings is that they tend to get even bigger or we act them out in behavior. And we would much rather be able to process with words and, you know, ask for what we need to seek out the solutions and the support and comfort that will help us. And so we've talked a lot about noticing what anxiety feels like, when anxiety might come up. And what we can do to notice it, allow it to be there, but then shift our focus so that it doesn't take over a moment. So at the beginning of the month, we started talking about the idea that anxiety and fear can be a similar feeling and they can't co-exist with curiosity and excitement. but the feeling it's outset can be similar. So the feeling of excitement and the feeling of nervousness, it's kind of that butterfly feeling right. And so the kids could really connect with that and notice that yeah, sometimes excitement and nervousness, they feel the same. So the idea was, if we're feeling [00:04:00] that feeling before we kind of let our brain go down an anxiety track and think of all the things we could be worried about that we noticed, if there's anything around us we could be excited about.
So one of the examples that the kids gave was , a theater performance. One of the girls that I've coached for a while now, she is. A theater performer, and she has a nervous feeling. Before a show and sometimes nervous. This is really supportive. That feeling can help propel us. It can get our adrenaline going. So again, it's not that we're smashing it down and not feeling it it's that we're noticing it like, oh, I'm feeling the butterfly feeling. I feel a little nervous. And then she says, she lets that nervousness go until the stage lights come on and the music starts. And then once the music starts, then she shifts to excitement and she just thinks about putting on a great show and she channels all that nervous energy into excitement. And allows it to carry her into the show in a way that really allows her to put on [00:05:00] a fantastic performance. So that was a great example. We went through like different images of kids at school, you know, whether they might be nervous about something at school. And is there anything they could be excited about and, you know, shift that butterfly energy into. We talked about tests specifically and how, you know, before a test we might be feeling like I'm not sure if I know all the answers. I'm not sure if I've studied enough. I don't know if I'm going to get a good grade. And those kinds of thoughts can, can leave us feeling kind of nervous. And if we notice those butterflies in our stomach, we can stop, acknowledge them. Like, yeah, this is a test. I'm feeling a little nervous. And when this test is over, I'm going to Jim's house to play. And I'm so excited about that. And so like again, taking the nervous energy, acknowledging it, and then channeling it forward through the test or through the hard thing into something exciting. So in the theater example, the excitement about putting on a good performance is like looking forward to the [00:06:00] end result and seeing, oh my gosh, it turned out great.
Right? And like, after the test, I'm going to find relief from this anxious feeling later on at some point. And so being able to connect with that a little bit earlier, can. Can help us really focus our energy in that direction and make sure that instead of spinning out into anxiety, And just like being in a bit of a swirl with it. We use the energy and move it forward. So as we talked about it this month, we acknowledge that anxiety comes up in a lot of different ways for a lot of different reasons. Each of the kids shared some really great examples. We had everything from volleyball tournaments to theater performances to test at school. You know, to interactions with friends or thunder storms. And as the kids talked through the different scenarios, you know, they gave each other ideas, like what do, what they do when it's a big thunderstorm and they're not sure what to do. And it's scary and really windy outside and their trampolines getting blown to [00:07:00] pieces. How they help themselves feel better, how they take care of themselves when they're having a really big feeling, how they then use different tools to calm down and make sure they're okay. So channeling the nervous energy into excitement was one tool finding things that are soothing to us was another tool that we talked through. So if we're feeling big feelings, whether it's anxiety or any big feeling, the important thing is to be gentle with ourselves in that moment. Right? Like right after acknowledging it, we don't beat ourselves up and say like, why am I feeling anxious?
Or this is so dumb or I'm too old to feel worried about this. Those are all things that are going to lead us into more of a spiral. One. One of the kids. He talked a lot about self contempt and how previous to practicing mindfulness. He had done a lot of like, I'm so dumb. Why can't I get this? Or it's all my fault, or I did this wrong. And I'm such an idiot, like those types of thoughts, which I think we can all relate [00:08:00] to. But those were habituated for him. And so anytime something would kind of go awry, he would then exacerbate it by taking this spiral into all these thoughts that were, you know, had self contempt at their core. So one of his tools is when I'm noticing a big feeling, I don't beat myself up about it. I give myself encouraging words to make it through. And for him and any kid who is navigating self-contempt, that's such a massive shift because being able to kind of notice the tendency to beat ourselves up and then work through it. I mean, as adults are so many adults who, you know, are still working on cultivating that skill. So if we can teach that to young kids, to teenagers, And set them up for a life of avoiding those types of thoughts. It makes a really big difference for them in the future. And right now, So anyway, his tool was being gentle with himself and saying, encouraging things. When he's feeling a big feeling or facing something kind of unnerving. Because that's something that's going to help him through.[00:09:00] Some of the other kids would take a break there. Their tool was taking a break during those moments. Like if a homework assignment was particularly frustrating, noticing that frustration, building up, noticing the anxiety, like I'm not going to get this done. I have to go to bed. I have so much to do. I don't know how to get started, like noticing that was building and then being able to say, oh, okay, I need. When I'm the one that happens. I need to take a break. I know that means I need to take a break. So they go out, take a break, maybe play basketball, maybe go have a snack. Maybe just, you know, pet the dog. And then come back to the task with a little bit more energy, a little bit more openness. And then, you know, the anxiety has usually lessened at that point. We also talked about different ways. We can use tools, you know, with other people or by ourselves. So there are some instances where we might be around other people, but say it's during a test and we can't really talk. We have to dig ourselves out and make sure we know how to help ourselves feel better in that moment. A lot of the kids brought up [00:10:00] breathing at that point. One suggestion was like leaning back in the chair and just feeling supported. And I thought that was a great way to just remind ourselves, like it's going to be okay. I'm, okay. I'm supported. You know, I'm gonna make it through. We talked about on a, like a field in a team setting. We have other people there, right. Who can help us and we can kind of rely on them to either help us laugh off a mistake. Or reset after something doesn't go quite right. You know, everybody can kind of rally together and work through a mistake. Maybe a goal got scored because a mistake was made. You know, in coverage on the field or something. And so the kids talk through how in those moments they can rely on their teammates to kind of help them overcome the mistake. So if they're having trouble resetting on their own, doing a mental reset, they can look to their teammates who can kind of. Help them, you know, pull them up and allow them to lean on the encouragement of other people in order to make it through. Some of the other things [00:11:00] we talked about were like, how do I consistently use these tools so that they become habits? One of the things we did at the end of the month, I had sent the kids post-its and a little pen and they made themselves reminders. So we, we talked about where is going to be the situation where this tool is probably going to come in handy. You know, for a lot of kids, it was homework, other kids, it was in class. So maybe the reminder is on a folder or they take it to their desk. And then how are you going to, how are you going to employ this tool? Like if that moment comes up, you're in class, you're feeling frustrated because you don't understand the math problem that your teacher's explaining. You're stress. Cause you don't know how you're going to get your homework done tonight and you have a lot of other things to do and you start to spiral a little bit. You look down at your post-it and you say like, okay, take a deep breath.
Lean back in my chair.
Remind myself that I can do this. Right. And for a kid in the middle of any scenario, having those tools accessible and as habits. It's massive because so many of [00:12:00] us as adults can look to situations where, you know, we were just kind of floundering without the solutions for mental health that we needed. Right. We were spinning out. We were beating ourselves up. We were not trying things because we were scared we would fail. We were holding ourselves back because we underestimated our abilities. Like there's so many ways that these mental health tools can really propel kids forward into the rest of their lives with so much strength and resilience. And so this month, as we explore them, it was so fun to hear all the different ways that the kids applied them and all the different ways they were having an impact, whether it was riding a ride at an amusement park, whether it was trying out for a new team, whether it was being brave enough to talk to a new person, you know, just the whole range of ways that these skills come in handy is so beautiful. So we are continuing to build on that foundation and working on other tools. But those are a few examples. Maybe we'll be resonant in your own life. [00:13:00] With your own families and then recognizing that we're changing neural connections and it takes time and practice for those to change. So throughout the month, the kids had some things that started to settle for them. That started to become more habituated, but it's going to be something we continue to practice. Because it takes usually a little bit longer for that kind of neural connection to become a habit, to become something that we just use as a go-to in any situation. So I'm excited to watch these skills continue to emerge. If mindfulness club is something that you feel like going to benefit your child, feel free to reach out to me at lindsay@thestressnanny.com or via Instagram @thestressnanny. It's a safe space for kids to practice tools of emotional regulation and this week as we talked one of the girls who's been there for a couple of months now is like i'm just grateful for mindfulness club They like having a place to come to be able to be themselves [00:14:00] and kind of own up to the moments in situations where they're not sure what to do right the emotions they have that feel big and kind of scary and they don't know what to do with And so they end up acting out or they end up You know having some sort of like You know running to the room crying or not not able to kind of manage the situation that they're in and that's tricky feeling for kids they don't like to feel dysregulated. So by understanding and being able to regulate emotion we give them the tools they need to feel empowered so when they have an emotion they're not worried about it they have anxiety comes up they're not scared You know and like creating more anxiety because they're feeling anxiety they're like oh anxiety i know what to do with that i have some tools so i love seeing the kids feel a sense of relief and feel empowered by their emotional intelligence and emotional awareness instead of kind of at the mercy of it. It's one of my favorite parts of mindfulness club. I hope this episode was helpful look forward to more updates from mindfulness club as well as some of those great interviews I mentioned at the [00:15:00] beginning thanks again for tuning in until next time