The Stress Nanny with Lindsay Miller
Mindfulness and stress management for families raising kids with big goals, big feelings, and everything in between.
Hosted by mindfulness coach Lindsay Miller, The Stress Nanny is full of practical strategies for calming anxious kids, supporting high-achievers, and teaching emotional regulation in everyday moments. Each episode offers easy-to-use mindfulness practices, stress management tips, and confidence-building tools that empower kids (and parents!) to navigate challenges with ease. Whether you’re raising a child who struggles with big feelings, a high-performing student-athlete, or simply want a calmer home, The Stress Nanny will give you the resources and encouragement you need.
The Stress Nanny with Lindsay Miller
Ep 198: From Big Feelings To Brave Hearts - Tools For Parents And Kids
What if the fastest way to calm is connection, not correction? Lindsay sits down with counselor and art therapist Jacintha “J” Field to explore how families can raise emotionally literate kids using the languages children actually speak: play, pictures, movement, and modeled honesty. J’s story journeys from a childhood of “toughen up” messages to discovering art as a safe pathway for feelings, then transforming that insight into clinical work and a gamified platform that helps 5 to 12-year-olds name and regulate big emotions.
We dig into practical, real-life tools parents can use today. Instead of “How are you feeling?” try drawing faces and letting kids choose their state. Build a calm corner with paper, pillows, and a favorite stuffed animal to “hold” heavy feelings. Turn chores and breath work into games. When a meltdown hits at the worst time, keep the boundary and stay close—play Uno, walk the block, or sit quietly until the body settles. You’ll hear scripts to prevent kids from blaming themselves for adult stress, plus the “friendship circle” method for mapping safe people and shifting relationships with grace.
J also shares why role models unlock buy-in—mention that LeBron meditates and suddenly breath work is cool—and how Happy Souls Kids weaves athletes and artists into short, kid-friendly regulation practices. We talk self-compassion for parents, timing hard talks for bedtime when kids are ready to open up, and celebrating every emotion, not just happy ones. If you’re seeking a calmer home, stronger bonds, and a shared family language for feelings, this conversation offers grounded, doable steps that fit real life. For more on J's work you can find her on IG, Facebook, Youtube, LinkedIn or via her website.
If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a calmer week, and leave a quick review so more parents can find these tools. What connection-first practice will you try tonight?
Lindsay Miller is a distinguished kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not cheering on her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes.
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Welcome to the Stress Nanny, the podcast where we take the overwhelm out of parenting and help kids and parents build calm, confidence, and connection. I'm your host, Lindsay Miller, kids' mindfulness coach and cheerleader for busy families everywhere. Each week we'll explore simple tools, uplifting stories, and practical strategies to help your child learn emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence, while giving you a little more peace of mind too. I'm so glad you're here. My guest today is Jacintha Field. Jacintha is a family and child counselor, art therapist, and founder of Happy Souls Kids, a global mental health platform helping children aged 5 to 12 regulate big feelings through storytelling, gamified tools, and the voices of athletes and role models they admire. I am so excited for our conversation today. Jacintha, thank you so much for joining me.
SPEAKER_01:Thanks so much for having me, Lindsay. Now, my name is a tongue twister. It's like Jacinta and Samantha put together. And so people just get a bit confused. So please call me Jay. It's just so much less of a tongue twister for everybody around here. So I'm just a letter now, just Jay. Just call me Jay. Everyone calls me Jay. So please.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, we'll do. I was so excited for this episode. We were talking off-air just a minute ago, and Jay and I have such a similar passion for teaching kids these tools that are essential for the rest of their lives. Jay, can you help us just get a glimpse into why you do what you do?
SPEAKER_01:It's a big story here, Lindsay. I tend to talk a lot, so we're here for it. You know what? When I was a little girl, I was always that happy little girl. I remember myself when I've done so much inner work of a girl in a little yellow dress, smiling and really happy. And I just got shut down a lot by lots of people around me. And it really shunned my spirit. And I remember going to sugar, and so I would go to sugar to mask my emotions. It was my dad was very eat concrete, harden up, you'll be right, get over it. It was that mentality of don't feel into your emotions, just move it, like don't worry about them. And it never really sat right with me. And so I knew from a very early age that I thought very differently to other people and I had a very different opinion to other people, but I was always told that I was wrong. And something happened with me where it was just I just I didn't feel seen, heard, valued at all as a child. And so as time went on, that sugar addiction then turned into alcohol and I started partying and I was in a domestically violent relationship for 15 years of my life because I was just chasing love and I thought that that's what love was. And then I finally got the strength within me to leave that relationship, and then I was single for seven years, and then I entered a new relationship, and it was so much better, but it was still really unaligned, you know. And we had a child within the first couple of years, and I just loved being a mum, Lindsay. Like as soon as I had a child, I was like, this is the best, this is amazing, I'm having the time of my life. And I just knew I didn't want my child to grow up the way that I did. I wanted a new way. So I would read Dr. Shafali's Conscious Uncoupling books, I would read lots of different books. I mean, I've been on a journey for 20 years, Lindsay, and I'm skipping through many parts here. But I will go back to one. About 20 years ago, I used to party a lot, and I just knew something inside me. I was like, I'm having fun, I love people, I love socializing, but this this just isn't sitting right with me. And so I went and saw a meditation teacher and she got me to draw, and she got me to draw and draw and draw because I wasn't able to talk about my feelings back then, like feelings, like you're not supposed to talk about them. You're supposed to eat concrete, you're supposed to harden up, and you know, they're supposed to go into your body and they're not supposed to come out. And so through that, I really just started using art to start expressing myself. And it was really beautiful, you know, it was a really beautiful time in my life because I was expressing myself and then I'd go out partying, then I'd feel guilty, then I have shame. And, you know, it was this really confusing time for me. And so then, fast forward to we separated, my son started school and it was COVID all at the same time. So it was such a big time in 2019, 2020 for me, where that in itself, with everything else I'd been through in my life, it was like, whoa, you know, everything hit me at once. And it was my son was not okay, he was throwing bins around the house, he was running up the street, he was jumping out of the car, and I was just like, this is so well beyond anything I could support at the time. And I didn't really have any help. It was COVID. My parents, even though they lived five minutes away, were in their house, my ex-partner wasn't really there. You know, it was just like it was all on me as a mum to be able to support and help this child, as well as fixing myself, which was completely and utterly broken. And although I'd done meditation and breath work and all of those things for such a long time, when it comes to children, that it's not their language. You know, we would watch Cosmic Kids and we'd do all of those things. But when I said to him, How are you feeling? he'd be like, Well, I don't know. I'm five years old. I don't know how I'm feeling. Like, it is a feeling, you know? And so I started breaking it down for him. And I'm a researcher. If there's a problem, I'll find a solution. So I started drawing circles on a piece of paper, and I said, Could you put the face in how you're feeling? Because children understand drawing, but not necessarily words. So I would say, Hey, could you just put the face in how you're feeling? And so he'd often put sad, angry, disappointed, and then we'd name the emotion. And I'd say, Can you tell me why you're feeling sad? I'm feeling sad because you and Daddy aren't together, and you know, it's making me feel sad and you know, obviously angry. I'm angry because I can't play Nintendo, you know, like little things like that, that he started breaking them down. And I just saw how great that was at being able to respond to my own child and helping him break it down. Like we've always had books. I've got them here. I've always read kind of emotion books to him, but reading a book and feeling a feeling is very, very different. We just expect children to know what they are, but they're not actually taught. I think that's the part that we're missing with kids is that we expect them to know what emotion is, we expect them to be in tune with their body, but we're not teaching them exactly what they are. So I saw during COVID that kids couldn't gain access to psychologists. There was a six to 12 month wait, which unfortunately Lindsay still exists today. And it just broke me as a human. Like I've always been very well connected to children and animals. You know, it's my thing. I love them. I love every part of them. I see them for exactly who they are. And so I studied to become a family and child counsellor, art therapist. I've studied plague therapy and I'm a kids yoga teacher. So I just knew everything that I was doing with my own child would really be able to help so many other parents and children around their parents to be able to show up for their kids in a different way and for kids to be able to really just understand themselves and help themselves. And so we moved to the Surf Coast, which is in Victoria, which is where Kelly Slater goes surfing for the WSL and Bell's Beach and all those cool things. And I had a private practice there. And all the work I'd done over 20 years, because it was really 20 years of healing for me, I implemented that into a practice with children and families to be able to help them really connect to each other, which I think is the missing part, as I'm sure you understand, Lindsay. That's the missing part for us, is the connection that we have to our kids. And so I really helped them with connection. And I realized that children just need that love and support and to be seen and heard and valued for who they are. And that's been my path ever since. And now we're building a gamified app. I was in practice with one of the kids one day and I said, Hey, do you want to do some meditation? He just rolls his eyes at me like, whatever, lady. And I said, you know, LeBron James meditates, and instantaneously he wanted to straight away. So that's been the birth of Happy Souls Kids, going from a practice to now an online space, which, you know, was so hard for me, Lindsay. It's like I broke up with children when we moved, and it would just, oh, it's so hard. I just loved them so much and I loved the families, and that was a really hard choice for me. But years later, we're starting to get there now. We interviewed Teddy Swims last week, you know, a couple of other people and some really great athletes, Australian athletes at the moment with the expansion coming soon. So yeah, it's been quite the journey, Lindsay. But it's really interesting that my journey started with emotions of drawing, and then I became an art therapist. So that transition for me when I look at it, and it wasn't planned, I didn't even realize at the time. I actually saw a psychic at one point and she said to me, You're gonna go do therapy with art with kids. And I never even realized that she told me this. And then three years later, I was like, oh wow, like, look at all those dots that have been connected, and it was a subconscious thing. I wasn't even aware of it. And I've tried many things in my life, and that's the one thing that's worked. So it's just it's just been quite a journey, Lindsay. I think that we've just through the separation process for me, which was extremely brutal, I've really learned to trust my intuition and I've really learned to trust my path. And that's now what I teach kids to do is that little voice inside you. Just trust it and trust yourself because no matter what people are saying outside of you, you know where you need to go.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, what a beautiful story. And just the like you said, incredible synchronicities of it, and then also the thread of intuition that carried you through those challenging moments where it would have been easy to get sidetracked or you know, just derail totally, but you kept that trust in yourself and in your own resilience. And so I love the depth with which you can share that now with us and with children with other people.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, I I just have had so many different traumas in my life, and I don't want kids to have to go through that. And if I can be a small part of their journey to give them the tools and the experience to be able to show up for different things in the right way, you know, that that's my purpose. And I don't always get it right. I absolutely don't. I make mistakes constantly, I say stupid things, I take the wrong path, but I think that that's all in the experience and the learning.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and the thing that I know you practice and that I work to practice with the kids in my community also is that idea of self-compassion, right? So in those moments where you do take a turn that's not in your best interest, or where there is a decision or a word that's not skillful that it's offered up, that we don't beat ourselves up, or we don't just like expend a bunch of energy on the mistake as much as we use the mistake as an invitation to grow, right? And to navigate forward with a bit more intention.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. My mom used to say that to me, you are so hard on yourself. And I think that comes from my family being hard on me, that I was hard on myself. And, you know, it's hard. I was just in Sydney for a big function and we were so busy, Lindsay. It was amazing. I had the best time. I'm such a networker. You put me that in spot. I love it. Like I love people, I love humans, I love networking. And I had ice cream and I've got a lactose intolerance. Like I'm a little bit lactose intolerant, even though I really like ice cream. And so I got really grumpy after then, and then I even said something to a friend that was just not great. Like it was not great. And I straight away picked it up and I said, Oh, I'm so sorry. I just, I shouldn't have said that. That came out of my mouth. Can I take that back? Like we do an UNA reverse with the kids. I just want to take that back.
SPEAKER_00:Redeo. That's what we call it.
SPEAKER_01:Even even as adults, even as adults, we still make mistakes. And I remember speaking to lots of people, it's like, well, they should know better. And it's like, no, we're still learning. We're still gonna have moments of dysregulation, no matter what age we are. And it's that compassion that comes with it. Like, we need to have compassion for people. The part that I find hard, Lindsay, is I have compassion for other people, but they don't have it for me. They're like, well, you're a counselor and you should know better. And it's like, no, no, I'm a human being. I have just as much stuff as you do. I just deal with it in my own way. My way is to isolate and just move away from the world until I've dealt with my stuff. And then when I'm ready, I'll come back in. And that's my path and that's how I deal with things. And you might not like it, but that's how I need to be able to process that. And I need people surrounding me that that can understand that. You know, it's it's important that we do surround ourselves with people that help us feel safe. And that's what I teach children. I'm sure you've done a friendship circle before with kids where we do different layers of friendships, which friendships belink belong in which way. And I think it's a great thing to do for parents and humans as well as kids to help people understand that you know what, somebody that was maybe in your inner circle is not necessarily in your inner circle anymore. They're in a different layer of friendship. And it's like waves of the ocean. People come and go, and that's okay. Whereas the old me was like, what do you mean? I'm not friends with them, and what? I don't understand what I did, and oh my god, I need to go do another course because I'm broken. And I've learned over time to have that self-compassion of you just talked about to go, okay, that wave's not with me anymore, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's so insightful. One of the things that I think is so poignant about the work, and I imagine you can relate to this, is that it like you mentioned earlier, we don't come with emotional regulation skills. We have to learn them. And so frequently in families that I work with, the parents have either learned some on their own and just need another voice to help support the child in the learning, or they recognize that they don't have the skills and that they would like a guide also. And so then it's almost like, you know, you're teaching the parent and the child simultaneously because so many of us didn't have this type of education when we were younger. And so these aren't skills that we, you know, naturally know how to teach or have a lot of experience with. So you and I both work with kids ages five to twelve. I go up to 18-year-olds, but I love, love, love that range where we start so young and we give them the skills so that they can just carry them through the rest of their lives, right? It's not like when they're teenagers, we're like, oh my gosh, we gotta figure out how to manage these big emotions. We're like, oh no, no, we've been doing that for a decade already, right? Like we're ready, we're here, we have what we need. Talk to me about some of the ways that you just kind of naturally incorporate that learning into family life.
SPEAKER_01:I'm really authentic, and this is something that I've had to learn for myself. I've had to learn to be authentic with how I'm feeling. So in a moment, if something will come up, I will say to my son, oh, that made me feel really sad, or that made me feel really disappointed. Or if he says, Oh, how was your day? I won't say, Hey, it was great. I'm not gonna put that shield on me like I have in the past. It's you know what, I had it, I had a really hard day today. Like something didn't work out for me and it made me feel a bit disappointed. But I went for a walk and that helped me really clear my mind. And then I screamed in the pillow because I got a little bit angry, and you know, that was my day. And so by me being authentic, it really helps him show up in his authentic way too. So he knows he can say, Oh, actually, somebody wasn't nice to me at school today. And they left me out of a group and it didn't make me feel good. So I've mirrored that behavior to him over time. And only a little while ago, I was going through some big stuff, like big, big, big stuff. And I went to the park and I was with my dog and my child, and it was dark, and I just could not stop crying. I was just letting those tears flow well. That's what my body needed, and I I respected that and I acknowledged that. And my son just gone, that's okay, mommy. You let your tears flow. It's okay, mommy. What do you need in that moment? Do you need a dog cookie? Do you need a do you need a pat? Do you need all of these beautiful things? And I have mirrored that to my child over time. And I think in an everyday life, that's the part that we miss is that, because that builds connection. I've grown up with Brene Brown, you know, connection growth and belonging and vulnerability and shame. And so I am very vulnerable and I am very raw. And it helps my child show up in that space too. And he had a little issue just last week with some of these one person in particular who was not being very kind to him. And I just said, Well, how do you think that that person feels? And then we realized that they had separated as well. I said, Well, you know, when you were going through that time, darling, that was really hard for you and you were very reactive to everything. He goes, Yeah, I know. So what did you need in that time? He's like, Well, I needed love and understanding. And I was like, Well, that's what we need to give others in those times. Maybe that person just needs some inclusion. Maybe they just need to feel seen and loved and valued. So we invited that particular child over to play Nintendo because a lot of the other kids in the group were playing, and we just never invited that child, not for any particular reason, just because I leave it up to him to be able to invite his friends. And the changes in that situation was beautiful. Like they connected, there's no issues at school anymore. And I think that teaching our kids that inclusion part and that maybe somebody's going through something big that's so well above you, I think that's the important part. And through that learning, he now understands the fact that it's not him that's the problem, it's us, you know, it's that person, it's me as a mom. It's a child at school, it's a teacher that might be going through a hard time. My child, if I'm a bit frustrated and angry, he'll say, Mummy, I think you need to go for a run, you know. I think you need to get your feelings out through your legs. So, yeah, you know, I think that's through modeling behavior that we do on an everyday basis. We are robbing our children if we pretend that everything's okay when it's not of the experience. We don't need to go into the story, especially during separation, but you can talk about the feeling that you're feeling at the time.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's so well put. And I think in the conversations, also giving them the words and giving them the understanding frees up any guilt that they might feel. One of the things I talk about a lot is how we tend well, as children, they tend to put it on themselves. If we don't give them a reason for why we're feeling a certain way, or don't give them some hint, they'll be like, it's my fault or it's on me, right? We don't recognize that. Not only do we not give them an example of authenticity, but we a lot of times are burdening them with the feeling because they are inappropriately or inaccurately attributing it to something they did when it might be about work or it might be about a neighbor thing, or you know, it's often I mean, sometimes it is frustration at children, but it's often something entirely different that we're struggling with. Kids will take it on themselves and assume it's because I did this or it's because I'm this. We don't want them carrying that around either. So we free them up from attributing it to themselves incorrectly, and then we also give them the example of how a human manages big feelings.
SPEAKER_01:I couldn't have said it better myself. And you know, kids do blame themselves, especially during the separation and divorce process of a child will blame themselves. If you don't show up, it's not you're the problem, it's that they're the problem. And I've had to do a lot of work with my own child and with many other children in practice about this, like understanding the fact that it's something outside of themselves, because they do, that is their go-to, is I'm the problem, I'm the issue. There's a really great pursuit of happiness. It's like my all-time favorite movie. I absolutely love it. And there's a piece in there where the mum leaves and Chris Gardner is there and says, you know, it's not you, it's your mum. And I just think that that is such a beautiful piece to show children that are going through that separation process that if they're in that particular situation, which some are, some aren't, if you're going through that, it really helps a child understand the fact that sometimes a parent or a human, whether that's whoever it is in their life, has stuff going on that they need to deal with and it's not you. And yeah, it just a real goal for parents is to help them understand through your authenticity to help children understand that they are so wonderful and they are so incredible and they are so loved and beautiful as they are. And I think it's important as parents and as educators and as therapists that we remind children of this a lot, especially in neurodiversity and rejection sensitivity order and all of these things. It's important that we are our biggest cheerleaders to our children and to the children around us and to, you know, even parents, you know, that needed a little bit too.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah, I know that's beautifully put as well. And I think sometimes the struggle comes in the development that we hope to see and the place that we're at currently. Would you agree? When we see our kids in a situation where we know they need to develop a skill or work through something, and we kind of want them to be on the other side of it, right? We don't want to deal with the discomfort of seeing the gap between where they need to be in order to learn the thing or in order to reach the goal or you know, whatever it is that's in their way. Like we don't want to be in the space of the messy learning. And so sometimes it can be frustrating, right? For this little growing person who's constantly on the cusp of all these things, but also constantly stumbling around and trying to figure it out to be patient always with the growth. But I love the way you describe it because I think that giving ourselves the reminders and the kids the reminders that as you are in this moment, being present with where you are right now, there's so many incredible, beautiful things about you. And as a growing human, it's natural that we're gonna be stretching and we're gonna be learning in all these different ways for years, right? Our whole lives really. But with small humans, it feels an interesting mix of presence with perspective.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely. It's just important that we speak in a child's language as well. They don't understand our adult conversations and this stuff's big, and you know, it's taken me 40 years to understand a lot of it. And, you know, it's important that we do help children understand that yeah, there's just different waves of life. And there's this really great thing that I do with kids sometimes where if they're going through that particular grief, like there's a black circle in the middle, and then we put the colours on the outside to help understand that grief doesn't leave your body, and that could be grief as a simple as a friendship that has ended for them. It doesn't need to be necessarily the big grief, it can be the smaller elements of grief of a friendship that that part of us is still there, but we just build our life around it. And it's important for children to understand the fact that, you know, even though that doesn't go away necessarily, it's still a part of us, but you do have an opportunity to grow those trees and you do have an opportunity to expand. And, you know, that's a choice that we make. And I think that's important for children as well to understand that as a child I only wanted the happy emotions. And still these days, I even understand through social media, if I'm vulnerable, they don't always react to that. Whereas if I'm happy, they're like, oh wow, she's happy, everything's good now. That was the old me, always wanting to be happy. The new me is like, hey, I'm showing every part of me here and I'm okay with whatever you think about it because this is who I am. And, you know, we celebrate these big emotions with kids. They'll get a goal in basketball and we're like, I'm so proud of you. And it's like, well, why can't you just be proud of your child just for being them every day of their life? If they're upset or they're disappointed or they're frustrated, let's celebrate all of it. Let's not just celebrate the good times because it makes us feel good as a parent. We want to sit in that uncomfortableness. But going back to your point, people are scared of emotions. People are uncomfortable in emotions. It's an uncomfortable space for human beings. It's a scary space for them. So it's hard for parents to hold emotions for their kids when they were never able to hold emotions for themselves. So that's a piece of the puzzle. And I'm sure you would do the same, Lindsay, is like, first of all, we need to hold the space for the parents because when they can feel, they can accept their children feeling. But if they haven't had that opportunity, it is so they're just like, oh, it's a lolly. Oh, yeah, change the subject. I'll give you whatever you want. Like there was one time in a supermarket where my child just cried for 45 minutes because he wanted a particular toy. And I knew it wasn't about the toy. He had had a lot going on in his life, and it wasn't about that particular toy, and I just held that space for him for 45 minutes in a supermarket. I wasn't embarrassed. I was there for my child. I knew that that's what he needed in the moment. He had so much going on inside that me holding that boundary allowed him to express it. But would most parents be able to do this? No. You know, because it's uncomfortable. We care too much about what other people think. We put other people's opinions of us outside of how our child is feeling in that particular moment. What about if we just had that level of acceptance? Because during that, people would just like look at me and be like, oh, you know, it that understanding and compassion, like, hey, I've been there. I get it. Let's all understand the fact that children have big stuff going on too. And unless we deal with it, it is going to come out in the most inconvenient time, such as at a restaurant or at a supermarket, if we don't deal with their big stuff when it comes up for them.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah. Well, and one of the things that you're big about is helping families to do this without feeling like it's another thing that they have to teach. And you're right, a lot of times those moments are completely inopportune. We call it an emotion beach ball, whereas the emotion just gets so full, it just like pops up where you least expect it and you think I'm on it down, and then you're not. And so is that the approach, like that authenticity and just taking the moments as they come that helps it not feel like, okay, I need to check this off the list, like emotional regulation tools for kids, right? It feels like a lot to teach that to a tiny person, especially when you don't have it locked in for yourself. How do you make it just like the natural course of your day?
SPEAKER_01:It just becomes a natural part of your day when we do this a lot at the start. It's really uncomfortable. And it takes a lot of time to be able to move through that. But listening to our kids rather than fixing them and going back to your point before, Lindsay, we do so much for our kids. Like we want to solve their problems. And this was big for me. And still is, I have to just stop. And my son actually says to me, I just want to talk and I don't want you to solve it. And I'm like, oh, thank you. You've taught me what I need to do as a parent. Our kids are our greatest teachers if you allow them to be. So it is important to remember that, that they are here to teach you just as much as you're here to teach them. So that listening into their day, not solving, not trying to solve their issues, just listening. Hey, what would you like? And you can ask the question and say, hey, do you want me to give you some solutions? And they could say yes or they could say no. Sometimes it's just about talking. I have one child that I have sessions with and it's online, and it will be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he'd be like, okay, I've got to go now, see ya. And we could be on the call for 20 minutes or we could be on for 45 minutes. And he's just like, he gets it all out, he feels safe, and he doesn't want to talk about anything anymore. And that's our sessions. And that's what I accept. And that's what we do. Sometimes it's just about that garbage truck that we hold in our body. Our emotions are like a garbage truck. That, you know, you put them in, you put them in, you put them in, you put them in, just like a garbage truck, they need to be emptied. So you need to create that space to empty them. Sometimes that's through talking. Maybe it could be yelling into a pillow. It could be, you know, we have this roller bag at home that we use. It could be like Big Ted. This is my Big Ted. I know that you've got your beautiful monkey in the background too. And Big Ted, you know, takes all the feelings. And we need to find elements for children to be able to do this on a regular basis. Like, oh, I can feel some anger there. Do you want to go punch a punching bag? Or I can feel if we're in nature, oh hey, do you reckon we could go for a walk? I feel like there's stuff going on here. And through that daily repetition of doing all of those things and through you modeling it on a regular basis, like, oh, I'm feeling really angry today. I need to go for a run. I just I've got so much going on in my body. I'm not feeling good. I need to go. And so it then doesn't become another thing on your to-do list. It just becomes every day of life that, you know, I'm feeling sad. Let's go to our calm corner. Can we do some drawing together? I'm feeling a little bit disappointed. Do you think you can give me a hug? You know, when I'm feeling anxious, I cook. Like it's such a thing. You know, food's such a common theme. In my life, it's finding elements that you can do things together on a regular basis that helps children understand that it is okay to feel whatever they are feeling. And whether that's sad, disappointment, frustration, anger, shame, they all have a place.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Yes, so well put. Well, this has been such a joy. The time has flown by, and I have learned a lot. And I appreciate just the approach that you have in terms of that authenticity. And the parents who are listening, I hope, can sense the acceptance too, like we talked about, where you accepting yourself, accepting your child, and accepting the moments that you're in. When we can stop fighting those things, right, we're already on our way. And it's the fight that a lot of times gets in our way in terms of taking advantage of the teaching opportunities, in terms of showing up fully, it's fighting where we're at, what we feel, fighting the exchange we're having with our child in that moment. And so I hope that the genuine care that you have offered us today is finding its way into the ears of our listeners so that they can feel that sense of acceptance for themselves and for whatever moments they find themselves in.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. In moments of dysregulation, connection is what kids need, not disconnection, not go to your room, like play a game of Uno, go for a walk. That's what children and we all need in moments of dysregulation. So remember connection comes first. Even in the hard times where you're like, whoa, this is big and you know, this is this is massive.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Try connection first. It's so important.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, and with that, like you said, if the emotion feels too big to manage or to talk through, sometimes that's just because it's not the time to talk through it right then, right? But it could be the time to connect, like you're saying. So I think that's an important distinction to make is that if you're feeling that big emotion, if your child is feeling that big emotion, if you can have the capacity to kind of work through it with them, great. If you just have the capacity to stay engaged with them and find an activity you can be doing together while they're feeling the thing, whether that's holding them, reading a story, like you said, you're at the grocery store, wherever it is, but if you can stay engaged, that's the key, right? That's what's gonna allow the learning, that's what's gonna allow you to revisit the moment later and say, hey, I'm so glad we could go on that walk. You were having a rough time, huh? And then sometimes the floodgates open, right? And then the story comes out, and then you get the pieces and you can help them process. But if you can't engage in the moment, it's really tricky to later on be the resource that you want to be, right?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, absolutely. You know, children don't want to talk in some situations. They come out of school, they've had this massive day, and we're like, hey, how was your day? And they're like, good. They're just like, I just want to shut off from the world right now. I don't want to talk about things. But the time where children really want to express themselves the most is before bed. That is the time where we want to go to bed and they're like, okay, I'm ready to talk now. And that's a level of acceptance and understanding through that of just going, okay, this is the time where everything's quiet. They've been able to process it through their body and they're able to talk now. So it's finding those elements of if they're not ready to talk to you then, you build the connection and then it just comes out. But if you hound a child and be like, oh, and don't worry, I've done this. I'm only learning from I'm only learning from my own things, you know. If I hound and say, Oh, well, tell me about this, they shut off. Whereas if you just give them space to be able to move through what it is and turn everything into a game. You know, they don't empty the dishwasher, great, turn it into a game. Children's language is play. And whether we like it or not, they just love play. They love that. They might come home from school and be like, hey mom, can you play with me? That is them saying, Can you connect to me? Often that turns into no, I've got to do the washing, I've got to do this. But for a child, if they say, Will you play with me? You act in one way. If they said, I've had a really hard day and I need you right now, you would act in another way. So when they say, Can you play with me? think that they're saying to you, I am struggling and I need to connect to you right now.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's so powerful. And it's true, all of it, like the gamifying things. I love doing that with meditation and with breath work. Like, how can you walk across the room with that on your head, taking deep breaths? I don't know, can you make it all the way across the room before that falls off, right? Or like, you know, whatever it is, but then also just understanding and being really present, right? And knowing like that bid for connection could be a lot of different things. And I think that's important with adult children too, right? I'm an aunt to some beloved adult nieces and nephews. And so as my own daughter is growing up and as I'm able to interact with my adult nieces and nephews, I don't always know why they want to come hang out or why they want to chat or like why they called, or and even if they tell me why they called, I don't find out till like months later what was going on with them at the time, right? But it's just like that the desire to connect, yeah, noticing it and then always, always saying yes to it, right? Just letting that be the priority, the sense of authentic connection in the moment, being fully present with wherever they're at and allowing that to be the powerful thing and trusting that through that whatever difference needs to be made can be made.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, sometimes it's just being in your presence. I have some of Axel's friends that still come to me now and be like, hey Jay, blah, blah, blah, because they know I'm that safe space. I'm like, okay, what do you think? And then, you know, it'll move on. And I'm that person to so many people, and they sometimes a trauma dump, and I need to be careful with that too. But you know, with children, you're a safe space. They feel that. They know who's safe and they know who's not. I understand that journey. And I think that that's such a gift that we have, Lindsay, because not everyone has that to be able to hold space when I separated. I was, oh gosh, people couldn't be near me because I was broken and oh my gosh, she's she's too emotional and there's too many feelings. And, you know, that level of abandonment for me was so much worse than the separation because they couldn't hold space for me. And I was so angry about that for so many years until I realized that you don't have the capacity to show up for yourself. It's okay for you not to show up for me. So if we teach our children a different way, we're gonna have so many more humans that can just hold space for people when they need that, because that's what people need is just somebody to sit there. And I'm just got this book coming through my head of a little rabbit that just sits with an elephant. We just need to sit there and be with people and not be uncomfortable in that space. And congratulations to you, Lindsay, on everything that you're doing in your practice and with children and families, because this is a new voice that's coming through. I call it a new language within the household of let's find a language where you can all connect together. And I think it's just so important. And I'm so excited for the next generation of kids that have that support.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Thank you. As you and I were talking before we hit record, we were just envisioning this world where these kids grow up and then they have kids and they have the skills and the tools and the emotional regulation. They have all of those things as they launch and find their way in the world. And that's a different world.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Definitely a different world.
SPEAKER_01:It's different. It's beautiful. It's connection, it's belonging, it's connection, growth, and belonging, the three things that people and humans need. And you know, we're teaching our kids that at a small age and also boundaries, also who is safe and who is not safe, and not having to be friends with somebody just because they're a family member or if they don't feel safe to you. And I think that's an important piece of the puzzle as well.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, a part of self-compassion for sure, is knowing where you're safe. Yeah. Well, I could go on and on and on. We'll have to connect again for another conversation. This was absolutely lovely. Talk to our listeners about where they can find you and learn more about your work.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, beautiful. So we have an app which is in the beta testing phase at the moment. So if you want to be one of our beta testers, please email me at hello at happy souls with an S and kids with an S. Happy Souls Kids. We've got Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn. My name's Jacintha Field, J A C I N T H A F I E L D. It's very confusing, it's very long. But it's hard to find people in this space that really kind of just get it and understand what you need. So it's nice to connect to those people that you really resonate with. I think that's an important piece. So please reach out and let's create a new world of people that are much more connected and self-aware.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, let's do it. Thank you again, Jay, for joining me today. Thanks so much, Lindsay. Appreciate you. Thanks for listening to the Stress Nanny. If you found today's episode helpful, be sure to share it with a friend who could use a little extra calm in their week. And if you have a minute, I'd love for you to leave a review. It helps other parents find the show and join us on this journey. For more tools and support, head over to www.thestressnanny.com. Remember, you don't have to do stress alone. Together we can raise kids who know how to navigate life with confidence and ease. Until next time, take a deep breath and give yourself some grace.