The Stress Nanny with Lindsay Miller
Mindfulness and stress management for families raising kids with big goals, big feelings, and everything in between.
Hosted by mindfulness coach Lindsay Miller, The Stress Nanny is full of practical strategies for calming anxious kids, supporting high-achievers, and teaching emotional regulation in everyday moments. Each episode offers easy-to-use mindfulness practices, stress management tips, and confidence-building tools that empower kids (and parents!) to navigate challenges with ease. Whether you’re raising a child who struggles with big feelings, a high-performing student-athlete, or simply want a calmer home, The Stress Nanny will give you the resources and encouragement you need.
The Stress Nanny with Lindsay Miller
Ep 200: Raising Resilient Kids With Love
What if lowering family stress isn’t about fixing problems but about changing perspective? We sit down with Anil Gupta, “The Love Doctor,” to unpack a simple, profound approach to raising resilient kids: pair unconditional love with developmentally appropriate challenges, then use everyday rituals to lock in confidence and connection.
We start with the turning point that reshaped Anil’s life and work, then move into the practical framework he uses with families worldwide. You’ll hear how scaffolded adversity—ordering lunch, paying the bill, navigating transit—teaches kids to trust themselves without panic. We trade fear-based scripts for strength-based phrases that shape identity from the inside out, and we model the shift from external motivation to inspiration by letting kids gather their own proof: I can do this. Along the way, we address common communication roadblocks, the power of keeping your word, and how to let kids co-create consequences to learn accountability without shame.
The highlight is a repeatable dinner table sequence that transforms the tone at home: gratitude for unseen efforts, spotting and doing acts of kindness, noticing what stood out, and naming what was fun, exciting, magical, or funny. Rotate the nightly leader and watch public speaking, empathy, and listening skills bloom. We also dig into Anil’s happiness formula—giving, gratitude, and growth—and the counterintuitive mindset shift that eases tension fast: stop trying to remove darkness and choose to add light.
If you’re ready to swap helicoptering for heart-led guidance and build the kind of belonging that fuels bravery, this conversation is your roadmap. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs more calm, and leave a quick review so more parents can find tools that work. Then tell us: which question will you ask at dinner tonight? Find Anil's dinner questions here.
To connect with Anil you can find him on his website, Instagram, Facebook, Youtube or LinkedIn.
Lindsay Miller is a distinguished kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not cheering on her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes.
To sign up for Lindsay's "Calm & Collected" Newsletter click here.
To review the podcast click here.
Welcome to the Stress Nanny, the podcast where we take the overwhelm out of parenting and help kids and parents build calm, confidence, and connection. I'm your host, Lindsay Miller, Kids Mindfulness Coach and Cheerleader for busy families everywhere. Each week we'll explore simple tools, uplifting stories, and practical strategies to help your child learn emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence, while giving you a little more peace of mind too. I'm so glad you're here. My guest today is Anil Gupta, internationally known as the Love Doctor. Anil helps singles, couples, and families overcome their struggles and issues in relationships and in communication in a rapid and powerful manner with proven results so they can live richer, fuller lives filled with love. Anil is a triple best-selling international author and TEDx speaker, positively impacting very large audiences in over 18 countries. He has been featured in numerous publications and media outlets, including iHeartRadio, Fox News, Sky TV, Harvard, ABC, NBC, and many more. He has coached celebrities, including Mike Tyson. He was a guest speaker with Richard Branson on Necker Island and has been invited by heads of state and spiritual leaders like the Dalai Lama to meet them. Anil created the happiness formula, the happiness test, the relationship score, and the relationship ratio. He's held relationship and mindset workshops in over 18 countries, translated into eight languages with audiences of over 10,000 fans. Anil has a unique intuitive gift to remove the blockages that prevent people living fulfilled lives using his intuitive and proven skill sets.
SPEAKER_01:Making a promise that the content that I'll be sharing today will be practical, proven, and usable with immediate effect.
SPEAKER_02:Well, great. That's the kind of content we love around here. So I'm excited about it. As we get started, will you share a little bit more about your story? I feel like it makes it much more compelling as you're sharing the wisdom that you have. It's hard-earned, right?
SPEAKER_01:Okay through adversity, and adversity can make you or break you. I remember coming up to my bedroom and having to explain to my wife what happened. I said, Honey, something really bad has happened. And she said, What's going on? I said, Honey, I've lost the car, the house, the school funds, everything. It's gonna go. And Lindsay, she looked up at me and she smiled and thought, What's going on? She said, Honey, I knew something was wrong. You've been behaving strangely. I thought it was something serious. And I looked at her, I said, Did you not hear what I said? There's nothing more serious than this. This is the way I was thinking. She said, Honey, no, I thought you had cancer. I thought you were dying. I don't care about the money. Wow. I always I was just flawed. And then she said, You made one big mistake. I thought, here we go. I knew it. She said, You haven't lost everything. You still have me, you still have the kids. We'll sleep in the streets if we have to. Lindsay, that was like, oh my gosh, a huge weight lifted off my shoulder. I just felt so much peace. And everything changed from there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Talk to me about your decision to become the love doctor. The moniker is so fantastic. And we're gonna get into it in a minute, the practical advice that you have around this. But talk to me about how that moment translated into where you are now.
SPEAKER_01:So it had nothing to do with me. I I was helping people, and one person called me, hey, that what's the love doctor got to say here? Hey, let's get the love doctor's opinion here. And I thought, oh, it's me. And I thought, I kind of like that. So I just, you know, I took it on and then I used the logo, and yeah, just by accident, but there's no accidents in life, you know. So that's what I do. I am the love doctor. I bring more love into your life through practical, powerful methodologies that we were never taught. We were never given a manual when we were born. Imagine how our lives would change if you could handle upsets, forgiveness, letting go, living in the now rather than in the past or the future. We were never taught this stuff.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah. And one thing that's so compelling to me about your story is this idea that your receiving of that kind of like deep unconditional love from your spouse is kind of like opened up an opportunity for you to then be a channel for that kind of love to other people in other ways. Would you agree with that?
SPEAKER_01:It's totally true. And then, you know, once you start to give, all your pain and suffering disappears and it became addictive. You have to feel loved, you have to feel worthy, you have to feel you belong. And once you do that, life will be such a different journey for you. It'll bring more joy to you, it'll have more years to your life and more life to your years.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I love that. Well, let's get into it because you know, as we uh talk to families here on this podcast, that's something that I know a lot of parents are looking for their child, right? That sense of belonging and for their child to go into the world, feeling that sense of deep, deep love. I know when we do some of my mindfulness work with kids, we'll do the loving-kindness meditation and we imagine ourselves, you know, in the process of that meditation, we go through self, someone we love, right? Someone that is neutral to us, someone that we have issues with, and then the world. And as I walk the kids through it, I invite them to imagine themselves like totally filling up with love so that it's overflowing out of them and needs somewhere else to go. And so you have all these methodologies and processes and ideas for people on how to live that way, right? Not just a meditation in a few minutes. That's just the way you move around the world. So, talk to us about some of the ways we can impart that kind of deep sense of connection and love to our kids.
SPEAKER_01:The greatest gift we can give our kids is this: give them the ability to handle love by throwing adversity at them that they can reasonably handle. See, a lot of parents are helicopter parents or they're worried about their kids, or they enable and entitle their kids because they don't want their kids to go through what they went through. But honestly, that's the worst thing you can do. If you have an enabled and entitled child, they don't know how to handle life. And they're just going to live a mediocre life, and that's the worst thing you can do. By you making life difficult for them, you're teaching them how to handle adversity, how to handle life. And because of that, they will love you even more. But a lot of parents are so scared of losing love from their child that they will enable and entitle them. Because when they were growing up, maybe they didn't get love from their parents. So they they want to make sure that they're different parents. They make sure that the source of love from a child is guaranteed, but it's never guaranteed. The greatest gift you can give them is, you know, throw adversity at them. It's okay.
SPEAKER_02:When you say through adversity, you know, I'm like always in the developmentally appropriate mindset around here. So of course we want it to be we want them in situations where they can handle maybe with a little bit of help or with a little bit of growth, right? What's in front of them? When you say throw adversity at them, are you saying allow them to struggle in situations where they would normally maybe feel okay and feel like they could handle it and allow them to kind of up-level their growth? Are you saying encourage them to approach situations that you know are going to be challenging for them, but like are developmentally appropriate? Help me understand a little bit more about that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's all of the above, and you know, you've got to have a high level of awareness. You can't be putting them in danger. So, for example, one of the things we did with our kids is that we took them 100 yards from home and told them to lead us home. Then 200 yards from home, then 300 yards, then 400 yards, then 500 yards, and increase incrementally their ability to handle that situation. What you're doing, incrementally, you're increasing their confidence. And you're asking questions. What would you do here? How would you handle this? Son, I want you to order lunch for us. Daughter, I want you to pay for the bill. I want you to check us in at the airport. These are the things that we did, and if they mess up, it's okay. But we wouldn't give them anything that would stress them out too much. But you have to be, you know, age appropriate, gender appropriate, maturity appropriate. And this way, you build them up. I remember Richard Branson was thrown into the middle of a field at the age of five. And I said to my wife, hey, let's do that. And she said, No, we're not going to do that. And I thought, okay, what's the next best thing? So what we did, Lindsay, you know, we were in central London, so it's called the tube. We would take our kids and we would teach them how to get home. So one station, five stations, eight stations, different lines. Then one day we took them into central London and said, okay, kids, you are going to go home by yourselves. There were nine and seven at the time. But we were 20 feet behind, maybe 10 feet behind them. But you cannot call for help from us. You cannot seek anything unless it's an emergency. But we taught them how to handle different scenarios, where to stand, who to ask for, who not to ask for. That built up their confidence. When my son was 18, he went around the world by himself. When my daughter was 18, I think she went around the world by herself. So it has a huge impact on them over time. So let me give you an example. The benefit of an alarm clock is wakes you up. The benefit of that is that you have a good sleep, rested sleep, your cells get replenished. The benefit of that, you're fresh. The benefit of that you're in a nice time with the family, the benefit of that you get more done. The benefit of that more impact, more happiness, more joy, more money. It has a huge effect. But when you start giving these adversities to your kids, the benefit of the benefit of the benefit is compounded over many, many years, which they will pass on to their kids, they will pass on to their kids. So there's a lot at stake.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Oh, I love that. I love those examples because it speaks to something we talk about a lot here on the podcast, which is this idea of scaffolded learning, right? That the ability to support kids at the level that they need support, but then allow them the independence when they're prepared for it. And those are such great examples because I can see what you're saying in terms of confidence growing and resilience growing and just an awareness of what they're capable of. I think sometimes it's hard for kids to access that, like you're saying, if they haven't faced those situations that stretch them. So that's such a powerful example.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And you know, there's an added benefit here is that, you know, as the child grows up, they know that my dad and my mom would never give me a task that I wasn't capable of. If they feel that I'm capable of it, I must be capable of it. So it's a big mindset shift in the kids' thoughts.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I think that's such a powerful note, also, the idea that that sense of trust from your parent isn't a blind trust, like, hey, you can do this no matter what. It's a guided trust. Like I've seen you do this, I've seen you take care of this, I've seen you figure this out. And so your witnessing of that growth feels so powerful.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And then in that process, you're teaching them, I could do this. My dad believes in me, my mom believes in me. They would not give me anything that I couldn't handle. I'm strong, I'm powerful. My grandson is 19 months old, and we're teaching him, I'm strong, I'm powerful, and I'm kind, I'm generous, I'm playful, I'm fun, I can handle this. I always have, I always will. Today's the day I'm a rock star. They were teaching this through cantations. You know, a lot of people, if you look at the word impossible, that's not what it reads. You know, the word it reads is I'm possible. It's not impossible.
SPEAKER_02:Love that so much. And I like the point you make too about someone that young being like the perfect place to start planting those seeds, right? And I think a lot of times we don't recognize the opportunities that we have to create, we're shaping the brains of these tiny children, right? In all of our interactions. And so building those connections and making those the go-to phrases, it serves so much, right? Because later on, when you need those things, they're already there, they're already a part of you. I know when I was little, I've told this story on the podcast before, my dad would come home every day from work and swing us around in the air and then send us packing to the mirror, and we'd have to go stand in front of the mirror and say, I'm great, every day when he got home. And that is such a core memory for me. And so when I look in the mirror, that's the natural response that I have to seeing myself in the mirror. And I think, you know, he could have said any number of things when he got home from work, right? Just like you could help your grandson learn any number of phrases. But the fact that those are the ones you want to embed, I feel like such a powerful gift that you're giving.
SPEAKER_01:And it's so powerful. You know, I hear parents, you know, when I go to the park, don't do that. It's too dangerous. You're gonna hurt yourself, you'll fail. And they say it like four or five times in minutes. And what are you teaching your kids? Oh, life is fearful, it's too dangerous. No, it's okay. You know, when I was a kid, I would go out at like six years old and I'd come back late at night. Obviously, I'm not recommending that, but you know, that there's a little bit of a sense of fear in parents. What if you get hurt? Well, okay, they get hurt, it's okay. As long as they're not doing anything that they will get seriously hurt, okay, they can scrape themselves or they might get bruised, it's okay. And the child would learn.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Talk to me about how you've reframe those moments. So if you were, you know, with your grandson in the park and you saw him attempting something that was potentially out of his lived experience, but probably doable for him, what would be the phrasing or multiple phrases you might use to help him do the task with awareness or confidence?
SPEAKER_01:So I would probably assist him minimally, so that the first time he gets assisted, the second time he gets less assisted. And we did this the other day. He went to a fun play area, you know, where they have slides and shoots and gameways and nets and all that stuff. At first he couldn't do it, but we introduced him to a little bit of help and a little bit of help and less help and less help. So it's really bringing up his confidence, because then when something new in the future comes in, he'll say, Hey, I've done this before, I can do this, I can do this. But if he's never been able to handle new things on his own, his mindset will, you know, just shut down because it's too risky, you know, and there's a sense of failure. But by even making it successful for them, I think that makes a big difference.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Celebrate to celebrate.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. No, that's such a good point. I'm remembering a time I was working with my nephew, he's learning to ride a bike, and he had this idea that his legs weren't very strong. And he's trying to pedal up this hill. And he was like, Linz, do my legs look weak to you? And I was like, No, no, they don't. They look like very strong legs. And he was like, Oh. So, you know, he's pedaling. I'm like, look at you pedaling up this hill, right? And I was maybe giving him a tiny push on the back, but like you're saying, it was just the slightest support so he didn't roll backwards. So on the times when he really had to push with the pedals, he was making progress. And it was interesting to see after that, like his reframing, right? So instead of him looking down and seeing legs he thought were weak, he could start to shift the way that he was seeing himself. And I think what you just described is such a beautiful example of that. When we can offer that kind of subtle or nuanced support consistently and in a way that is appropriate to the situation with an eye toward building confidence, there's such a beautiful transfer that happens, right? Because they start to see what you've seen all along, which is that they can do it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, beautiful. So let's roleplay this. You be him and I'll be you.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Okay, so I'm gonna tell you my legs are weak. Does it seem like my legs are weak?
SPEAKER_01:Like, can you just stand up?
SPEAKER_02:I'm gonna actually do it too.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so stand up. Are you falling down? No. What does that tell you about your legs?
SPEAKER_02:That they can roll me up.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but you're heavier than the bike, aren't you?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. You know what I think it is?
SPEAKER_02:What?
SPEAKER_01:I think you have very strong legs. But I think we need to put in a little bit more effort. Can you do that?
SPEAKER_02:Probably. It's kind of a hill.
SPEAKER_01:I know, but let's just do a little bit of the hill. We don't have to do all of it. Let's just do a little bit.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So let's do four steps. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:I know you can you can do this because you're strong, you're powerful. I think it just needs a little bit of effort. The more effort you put in, the further you go. You know, that's the same in life.
SPEAKER_02:So much. Yes. That's fantastic.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then we're we're seeding it.
SPEAKER_02:Well, and I love in what you did that I didn't do, right? Is that it gave him the lived experience of the strength. Like, you know, where you told me stand up and notice. Like you're already actually doing this.
SPEAKER_01:So the difference between see most parents try and motivate their kids, but what you want to do is inspire them, let it come from inside. So well put.
SPEAKER_02:Well, and I think too, you know, it's such an interesting balance as parents to, like you said, let it emerge and know when there's enough of it there that they can carry on on their own.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and that's where the awareness comes in. And then you know, encourage them, talk to them as adults. You know, when you speak to them and they're young, go on your knees and talk to them and ask them questions. What was great about this? How did you feel? Is there anything you'd like to ask? Let them be part of the discussion, let them lead. That develops their public speaking skills, their confidence. And you what you want them to do is come to you if ever they feel, you know, not heard, not listened to, not belonging. Not worthy, not good enough, whatever it is, let them be able to communicate with you powerfully.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah. Again, beautifully put. So when we're talking about this kind of powerful communication, what are some of the maybe roadblocks you see to where families don't have the culture where that communication can flow freely, or kids aren't bringing what they need, or questions, or their need for support to parents? What are some of the things you're seeing that are preventing or getting in the way of that?
SPEAKER_01:It's really spending time with the kids, noticing the kids, observing them, and making them feel comfortable. And the problem arises when the kids start to go to school. So before that, whatever the child did was fantastic. You know, you pooped, you peed, it doesn't matter. But then when the child goes to school, there's an expectation from the child to behave in a certain way, to produce in a certain way. And that causes the child some friction because they used to think, oh, I could do anything and I would get edified. But now I've got to do something. So they have to make a choice. They can be better scholars, they can be better students, they can be obedient, they can be nice, they can be kind, or they can be troublesome. And if they're troublesome, they get attention. They think, oh, this is great. So we have to be very careful of that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. That's such an interesting way to think about it, is that like the benefits and the dynamics of communication start to shift, and what their goals and directives are more external than maybe internal a lot of times. What are some ways that you see parents doing a fantastic job of keeping those lines of communication open once kids are in school? You're saying time, so time after school, time is it like time engaged in shared activity? Is it just time in general, like in the car? I'm a big fan of quality time. So I totally agree with you. I'm just wondering if you see some specific scenarios where parents have really had a big impact in intentionally handling that the time difference once they start school.
SPEAKER_01:So it's the important thing is to listen. So one day my son came up to me and said, Dad, you lied to me. I thought, wow, honey, son, I have a very, very high level of integrity. Could you explain to me? He said, Well, Dad, you said you would play with me in 30 minutes. You took over an hour. And I could have said, Well, son, don't you know I I'm coaching the richest, smartest, most influential people on the planet. I have to look after them. But I didn't say it. I said, Honey, you're absolutely right. Please forgive me. Then I became more careful what I said. So we have to walk the talk. We can't say to our kids, don't eat chips, don't eat fries, don't eat this, don't drink coke, don't drink this. When we do it ourselves. So we have to walk the talk. So for an example, when my father walks into the room, I'd always stand up. Always. I could tell my kids to do that, but if they see me doing it, it's walking the talk. So be careful what you say to your kids. Be as truthful as you possibly can. And if they do something wrong, it's okay. It's not that important. Do you want to lose love for your child, or do you want to admonish him? Or do you want to love him? You want to love him. So be as loving as you possibly can, but you know, have boundaries. Be able to communicate with them. San, you did a bad thing. Do you agree? Yes. So son, you know you there should be a punishment, yes. But I'm not going to punish you. I want you to punish yourself. What punishment would you give yourself? Normally the child will give a bigger punishment. I acknowledge you for coming up with that. I'm going to settle for a hug. How do you think he's going to feel?
SPEAKER_02:Good.
SPEAKER_01:Beautiful, isn't it?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I love that, the idea of having them come up with their own punishment. Well, and I mean, among all the other things you said, that just stood out to me. But I think what you said was beautiful too, because I think that in the like modern parenting paradigm, I think we're seeing more parents take feedback from kids, but I don't think it's the norm yet, where kids can speak freely to their parents about their experience, about what's going on. I know when my daughter was little, it was important to me that she feel comfortable telling me anything, right? Sometimes she would tell me stuff that I would really have to take a minute to process before I was ready to respond to her. But I always tried to use the word like thank you for that feedback, you know, whether it was about dinner, whether it was about how it handled a situation. At the time, it felt a little bit weird because she's little and I'm like taking my directions from a three-year-old, but I also felt like the relationship we were building was something I was going to invest in long term. I wanted to set the patterns as the beginning for how the relationship would extend throughout our lives together. And so I think a lot of times culturally, that's not the norm, right? If you take feedback from your three-year-old, a lot of times your friends or family, whoever, they're maybe not necessarily on board with the parent not being the boss, not necessarily on board with the parent allowing the child to, like you're saying, have some different adventures than maybe what other parents allow, or invite learning. How do you help families put that into perspective? How do you help people acknowledge that awareness they have that what they're doing is maybe against the grain, but then also feel a sense of confidence about that action and its eventual outcome?
SPEAKER_01:And you said something very interesting, letting know who's the boss. Why would you be a boss of someone so valuable? So you know the biggest mistake parents make?
SPEAKER_02:Let's hear it.
SPEAKER_01:Having kids. You see, if if parents didn't have kids, there'd be no parenting issues. So the the biggest mistake parents make is this. They expect the child to come into the adult world. That's why you have adolescent behavior. When I was your age, I had three paper rounds, I would walk to school barefoot, I would do this, I would do that. We had no electricity. They don't want to hear that. Get into their world. What are their fears? What are their concerns? What do they love to do? The most important thing you can do with your children is this. Check out who their friends are. And if any of their friends are, you know, badly behaved, don't let them be friends with them. We stopped our kids or a number of kids that were badly behaved. We're not having that. It makes such a difference. Don't do that. Spend time with your kids, listen to them. They're not in charge. You're not in charge. You're coming to a mutual conversation with a mutual agreement. So listen to your kids. What are they fearful? What are they going through? Who are their friends? What's their favorite music? How old are your kids?
SPEAKER_02:I have a 16-year-old girl.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So when I asked Lindsay about her child, she lit up. It just tells me how much love there is between you two. So when you pick her up from school, do you pick her up from school?
SPEAKER_02:Not anymore.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So when she was 12 and you picked her up from school, what's the first thing you said to her?
SPEAKER_02:Hey, sis, how would you be?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Never ever ask that.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Because they're being interrogated. Yeah?
SPEAKER_02:Hey, what should I say?
SPEAKER_01:Wind down the windows, play her favorite music, and she comes into the into the car. I five. Then go and then say, hey, what would you like to do right now? And she might say pizza or ice cream. It's okay. Just take her. You don't do that every time. And then ask her this question: hey, what was fun, exciting, magical, funny about today? Not was there anything, what was? They just had a hard debt school. They got up early. You force them to eat. They had all this trauma at school. And then the first thing you say, tell me what happened today. How was your day? Okay. Ugh. Don't do that. All her friends are gonna say, Oh my god, your mom is awesome. Now she's 16, yeah?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:What's her favorite music?
SPEAKER_02:She's got a good mix of music. I mean, we both love listening to Taylor Swift. She has a rowing playlist. She's a rower, so it's a lot of upbeat, energetic. It's just a variety of different artists.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so let's roleplay. What's her name?
SPEAKER_02:Jessica.
SPEAKER_00:Hey Jessica, what's your favorite band?
SPEAKER_02:Right now, I really like Dom Dalla.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Is that the band you would like to go and watch?
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. I had a lot of fun at the Taylor Swift concert last year. But she's not touring right now. So yeah, maybe.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So can you find out when they're local to us? I want to get you two tickets.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You and your best friend.
SPEAKER_02:That would be awesome.
SPEAKER_01:Great. I'd be happy to do that. So what's her best friend going to say about you when you take her there?
SPEAKER_02:She just doesn't think I'm great.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. We have to get into their world. If you get into their world, I promise you this there is no adolescent behavior because you understand them. You're experiencing what they're experiencing.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's so powerful. Well, I'm gonna ask her that today. What was the most magical part of your day? I love the direction, like the encouragement to take the thoughts about the day in a specific direction and then to connect from that place.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:In addition to what we've talked about, which is love, obviously, and that sense of acceptance, communication, making sure we're entering their world instead of wanting them to be a part of ours. How can we reduce stress in our family life? What are some other ways? We can just bring the stress level down.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So the quality of our life, it depends on the quality of the questions we ask. So what would be a better quality question?
SPEAKER_02:For me to ask you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Can you give me a specific way to practice awareness around optimal stress levels and bring them down when we notice that the family stress levels are getting elevated beyond the point of helpfulness?
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:So the question I would ask is how can we have more joy in our relationships?
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Then if you do that, the stress will disappear.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:It's like when you take a tablet for a headache, you don't know the exact moment it disappears.
SPEAKER_02:Right?
SPEAKER_01:So if you come home late at night, houses are completely dark, what would you do?
SPEAKER_02:Turn on the lights.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Would you ever go in and remove the darkness?
SPEAKER_02:Would I go remove the darkness? Oh, I see what you're saying. No, I mean there's not a way to do that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So by you saying how can I reduce stress, you're trying to remove the darkness. All you have to do is be the light.
SPEAKER_02:That's great. Yeah, I know that's awesome. So I see what you're saying. You want me to ask you how to bring more joy into family life.
SPEAKER_01:By doing that, isn't it gonna be less stress?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So I would I'll share the secret with you.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:We would sit around the dinner table. I would ask my wife this question. Honey, what did you do today that you were not thanked for? I cooked this amazing meal. My my wife would say, I would thank her, my son would thank her, my daughter would thank her. They were thinking nine and seven at the time. Okay, then I would ask the same question to my son, my daughter, and me. Next question is what act of kindness did you see today? Not did you see an act of kindness, what act of kindness? So they have to answer positively. My wife, my son, my daughter, me. What act of kindness did you perform today? My wife, my daughter, my son, me. What are you grateful for? Go round the table. What did you see? What did you notice today? Go round the table. Is there anything on your mind that you want clarity on? Go round the table. And the last one is what was fun, exciting, magical, funny about today? Go round the table. Okay now, next day, my son, who was nine at the time, would be in charge. Next day, my daughter, who is seven at the time, would be in charge, then my wife would be in charge. They have to have a high level of awareness. They have to show up respectfully, they have to be leaders, they become public speakers, they're confident, and they have the ability to communicate. One day my daughter said, Dad, I'm having a problem at school. I said, Great. Said, Dad, what's great about it? You don't even know the problem. So I see this, there's always a way. No matter what it is, there's always a way. There's always a way. There's always a way. This one exercise would reduce, elevate your levels of joy, and hence reduce the stress levels. It's a game changer, Lindsay.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it sounds like it. I'm just sad we're having this conversation when I have a 16-year-old. And, you know, not when I had a three-year-old. But I'm so grateful this wisdom has been fantastic. And I'm still thinking about all the different things that you said. Do you feel like what you just shared? Is that kind of a way to help our family be the best version of themselves? Anything else you would add as we think about how can we help our family be the best versions of ourselves that we can be?
SPEAKER_01:So I've got a few PDFs. One is the dinner conversation, one is the happiness formula, and one is the greatest gift you can give your kids. So we can offer that to all your audiences on one condition.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:They have to perform five acts of kindness, make a commitment to perform five acts of kindness. When you perform an act of kindness, you receive endorphins, you feel good. The person receiving the act of kindness feels good. Person sharing the act of kindness feels good. So it continues on and on. When you perform an act of kindness, all your pain and suffering disappears. That's the first part of the formula. The second part is to be grateful for what you have and not focus on what you don't have. And the third part is you have to grow emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially. So happiness is equal to G times G times G. Today's the day. The decisions you make today will create a brand new destiny. Decide to be a better parent. Decide to be a better daughter, a better wife, a better husband, a better child, a better friend. Be so amazing, you cannot be ignored, and your life will change.
SPEAKER_02:Mic drop. Thank you so much. I'm still back where we were talking about that. I can't turn off the darkness and I have to just add joy. So this it's gonna take me a while to process all this, and I'm sure the same for our audience. But I am really, really grateful for your time today. Thank you so much for joining us, for sharing your message here and in all the places that you do. Will you help our audience know how they can learn more about you and your work? We'll link the downloads. Where else can they find you?
SPEAKER_01:Sure. The best place is my website, meetaneil.com, and you'll get free resources there. I'm sure you'll add my Instagram, Facebook. I'm happy to serve. If anyone's got burning issues in their eyes, we can address that very quickly. I've been doing this for 27 years. Happy to help.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_01:No, thank you.
SPEAKER_02:Thanks for listening to the Stress Nanny. If you found today's episode helpful, be sure to share it with a friend who could use a little extra calm in their week. And if you have a minute, I'd love for you to leave a review. It helps other parents find the show and join us on this journey. For more tools and support, head over to www.thestressnanny.com. Remember, you don't have to do stress alone. Together we can raise kids who know how to navigate life with confidence and ease. Until next time, take a deep breath and give yourself some grace.